Part of our Friendship Crystal Bundle series

Lapis lazuli is not the kind of crystal to mess around! Where other crystals might whisper a gentle suggestion, lapis is like, "Okay, but seriously what are you feeling?" This magnificent blue stone has literally helped humans cut through the superficial nonsense and get to the root of things, for thousands of years.

And honestly? We need that kind of energy more than ever in a time when the common response is "I'm fine" and we curate our lives through social media.

The Ancient Stone of Kings (And Really Good Conversations)

Lapis lazuli has serious street cred when it comes to history. Do you remember King Tut's burial mask? It had lapis decorated all over it. Michelangelo's blues? Ground lapis paint and it cost more than gold. Lapis was practically an obsession for ancient Egyptian pharaohs and Mesopotamian royalty when it came to lapis lazuli.

But what's really fascinating is that regardless of the ancient culture, the common association was with truth, wisdom, and divine communication. Ancient Egyptians believed it connected them to the gods. Medieval European's thought it would tell them their inner truth while enhancing their intellectual ability. Even today, spiritual traditions link lapis lazuli to the throat chakra, associated with communication and authentic self-expression.

It appears that there has always been an inherent understanding of some relation to human beings and their ability to speak their truth, when associated with the blue gem.

What Makes That Blue So Mesmerizing

It gets nerdy for a second. Lapis lazuli is not one mineral, it is a rock, composed mainly of lazurite (for that beautiful blue), along with calcite, pyrite, and other minerals. In Latin, it literally means "blue stone", making for a charmingly straight forward descriptive term, for something so complex. Contact metamorphism describes the process of heating and pressurizing limestone by the nearby intrusions of magma, and here we are, with this amazing deep blue color that can range from a near navy to a rich royal blue, and sometimes with golden flecks of pyrite that look like glittering stars in a night sky.

It rates about a 5-5.5 on the Mohs hardness scale, which is soft, compared to quartz and still hard enough to use in jewelry and carvings. Ancient civilizations figured out it has been carved and polished and treasured for over 6,000 years.

Why We're All Terrible at Real Communication

Let's face it, most of us are terrible at authentic communication. The response, "I'm fine" is commonly used even when we are not. We evade difficult conversations. We talk about the weather instead of learning about each other's lives. Listening and talking together must have some component of social conditioning, but there should be a desire to be vulnerable.

And here is where the reputation of lapis lazuli becomes fun. Within metaphysical traditions, it is said to help speak your truth, as well as listen. It isn't just being more honest and forthright, it can provide space for real dialogue.

If you think of your closest friendships, these are the ones that usually involve a conversation at 2 AM about life, where it is okay to disagree without cause for drama, and where what you really think is okay to say. That is lapis energy.

How Lapis Shows Up in Real Life

One of the interesting things about lapis lazuli is how practical the benefits are! Here is a guide to its actual use:

Before hard conversations: If you need to talk to someone who may have some difficulties, carry lapis in your pocket. This will allow you to remember to speak from a place of truth rather than anger or fear.

During disagreement: Rather than trying to "win," lapis lazuli encourages focusing on listening and being listened to. A revolutionary idea? Perhaps.

During job interviews or presentations: Trust me, many people carry lapis lazuli when they are attempting to communicate confidently and authentically in a professional setting.

Journaling and self-discovery: Hold lapis lazuli while journaling or meditating. It will support you in having more clarity into your thoughts and emotions.

Creative work: Often I see writers, speakers, and artists have lapis lazuli close when working on authentic creative work.

The Art of Deep Listening

Something interesting I learned about lapis lazuli is that it is not just about speaking your truth. The other part is becoming a better listener in the process. Real communication is based on a two-way street and lapis supposedly helps you on either side of that equation.

When working on deep listening, it means listening closely to what someone is saying versus just waiting for your chance to talk. It means noticing what is NOT being said. It means making space for someone to be honest and vulnerable.

In thinking about our friendship, this is significant. How many relationships have you known to dissolve, when people stop really listening to each other? How many conflicts could be resolved if we actually understood what the other person was trying to convey?

Lapis lazuli promotes that level of presence and awareness in conversations; a bit like having a crystal wingman reminding you to put away your phone, make eye contact, and participate.

Wisdom vs. Just Having Opinions

There is a distinction between wisdom and having a strong opinion, and lapis lazuli claims to help you figure out which is which. Wisdom involves the ability to discern when and how to speak, to disagree gracefully, to advise or simply listen.

Lapis lazuli is related to this kind of discernment. Lapis lazuli is not about becoming the person who feels the need to share their opinion about everything (we all know that person and how exhausting that can be). Lapis is what allows you to be the person whose words matter because you speak thoughtfully and authentically.

I have been carrying lapis religiously recently and have relied on it heavily when engaging in conversations about the state of our country.

The Friendship Bundle Synergy

Lapis lapis plays an important role alongside the other stones as well. Rose quartz opens your heart to love; prehnite allows you to trust your gut about people; unakite can create balance with emotions; and sunstone brings joy and optimism. But lapis lazuli? Lapis makes sure all that beautiful energy can be expressed.

You can accomplish loving someone dearly, trusting them completely, and feeling balanced emotionally, but if you can't articulate those feelings or have a conversation that is real, your relationship remains shallow. Lapis lazuli is what takes friendships from casual to meaningful. Consider it like a friend who thinks to ask follow-up questions, remembers what you said to them last week, and won't hesitate to lovingly check-in when you are ridiculous.

Caring for Your Lapis Lazuli

Lapis is relatively easy to care for. It is a kinder and gentler stone since it is softer than others. You can wash it in water, but be cautious about soaking lapis since some of the minerals in lapis can become water-logged if left submerged for long.

Moonlight cleansing is lovely—I like to place my lapis outside with my other crystals when there is a full moon. Palo santo, selenite and clear quartz also work well for energetic cleansing.

Store lapis lazuli so it doesn't scratch, and definitely keep it away from extreme heat if you live in a place like Arizona—pyrite inclusions can be sensitive to temperature changes.

The Bottom Line

Lapis lazuli won’t make you a better communicator instantly. If nothing else, it can remind you to show up in relationships as a more authentic self. In a world of surface-level engagement and "fine" responses, it's valuable to have something that encourages depth and honesty in conversations.

Whether you pick lapis lazuli for its beauty and design, or to enhance communication, it does offer an element we could all use a bit more of: the courage to be real with each other.

Good friends require honest communication. Communication that embraces someone saying the hard thing with kindness and someone receiving difficult information with grace. Good friendships require deep conversations with real understanding-exchange. Lapis lazuli has been assisting the world with authentic connection for thousands of years—give or take a few!

If you are ready to invite deep conversations, wisdom, and understanding in the relationships you value, you should check out how lapis lazuli interacts with rose quartz, prehnite, unakite, and sunstone in our complete Friendship Crystal Bundle. Good friendships happen when we can take the pretense off and just be real.